If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I cut my penus on the lid.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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