I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
