I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I will pee on everything he values.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
