apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize