just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
