I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
