well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
