Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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