So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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