I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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