I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
