Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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