I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
