And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
