john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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