Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
