My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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