You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
