Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
