And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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