It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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