i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
