Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
