the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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