I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
