Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
