i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
