I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
