What a fucking waste of an outfit
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize