So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
