i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
