i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
