I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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