tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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