You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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