I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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