So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
