You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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