I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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