dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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