Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
