It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
