did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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