Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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