Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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