i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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