you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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