i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
