My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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