windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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