Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
