You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize