anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
