I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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