ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
