Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
