She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
