the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
