Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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