dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
