How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
