i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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