I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
