Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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