I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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