WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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