I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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