i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
As shirtless as possible
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
